Two red flags I’ve heard in conversation:
1. What will people think.
2. What will people say.
Those are statements, not questions.
The most brilliant minds were not the most rigid, organized, pointed, leaders.
Often, a genius appears to be a disorganized mess.
Organization can come from chaos.
People with will power are determined.
As a dad, my daughters will is like a steam train.
As a daughter, she may see my will as something like a giant rock, unmovable.
Somewhere, we keep our individual wills intact, accomplish our unique goals, continue living peacefully.
Other parents have warned me about “how kids are when they get a little older”.
Nearly nine years later, this dad hasn’t a clue what those parents are talking about.
Learning to communicate is supposed to make life better, relationships better.
I think that I’m getting a hang of this, and then she has a new idea, a new invention. Her will demands that I jump into action.
I’m on the phone with a customer. I’ll finish the phone call. Her patience grows. While she waits, she ponders, explores, google search, Youtube DIY.
The phone call is finally over, now I can return to being available. She has already learned, my ears are filled with the Little Inventors new knowledge.
I ask about the basic concept, she answers. We learn more together.
She invents a spontaneous idea “Daddy, I have a hypothesis, too much water can hurt your body, I just think that”.
“Why do you think that Little Inventor?” I ask.
“Because, I just thought about it, and am pretty sure it’s true.”
That’s learning, but desiring chocolate is a whole different level of intensity! Learning is impulsive, chocolate is addictive.
By talking, listening, communicating, we find a happy solution.
There are some rules to finding a solution, here are a couple of those rules…
~We both have to agree.
~Everyone must benefit.
At times, I am the bearer of reality.
Today, the cotton candy machine at Walmart was the object of the Little Explorer’s affection. Oh how she craved to put a dollar into the machine, and watch a pink/blue/purple ball of sugar fluff up string by string.
Driving to Wally world isn’t something I find myself desiring.
Walking into that place takes an even bigger kind of desire.
Crowded stores… No thanks!
I won, by default.
There will be no Cotton Candy today…….
Sadly, it is impossible to meet all of the requirements.
At times, expectations are unreasonable.
Imagine, what if there were no metropolis size shopping centers?
What would happen without all of the fun packages, colors, strange-food-like products were not within a short drive?
What if chocolate was locally unavailable in the evenings because the shops close?
How would we ever live in such an inconvenient world?
My answer: Happy 🙂
My question: Where exactly can I find this place void of junk food, just for a visit 🙂
Would I beg for chocolate, if it were beyond my immediate reach?
Hell yes I would!
But learning nobody begs for, curiosity is the very nature of intellect.
The will power that decries cotton candy will accept the loss for a day.
As a dad, I can’t control when the phone rings, when a customer needs me to drive two hours, four hours, six hours.
What I can control is, how we deal with one another, respectfully.
Here is the big rule, the one that I try to stick to, the one that is a guide at all times.
1. Children are people, people are individuals, individuals have rights. Nobody at any time shall violate the property, person, will… etc. of another person.
It’s a simple rule, but here is what it does.
It causes me to…
~Ask questions with kindness
~Work together for solutions
The ultimate goal I strive for is to be good at meeting her needs as a parent.
Kids grow, their needs grow.
One of the ongoing struggles was grandma/son time. That’s right, Little Inventor loves attention, especially when I’m chatting with my mum.
One day, we were talking in the car, the answer hit me like a ton of bricks.
“Little Inventor, when I talk to gram, does it make you wish you could talk to your mommy”? I asked thoughtfully.
“Yes, it does daddy”. She sobbed.
We cried, mourning the loss of mom.
I don’t mind getting her cotton candy when it is available.
Why don’t I mind?
Because, it’s an opportunity to spend a little more quality time together.
The sugar and food coloring will give her a kick, I’ll smile through the sugary goofiness she gets into.
Eventually, she will end up laughing at nothing in particular. The laughing will carry on for an hour or so.
I love to hear that little laugh, it’s more satisfying than chocolate.