10 Signs You Are Living In A Cave

Has anyone ever called you Cave Man, Cave Woman, or Cave Dweller?

Have you ever woke up to begin working early in the hours or darkness, only to tap away all of the daylight hours to finish a seemingly endless project?

Was it exciting, fulfilling, blissful, tiring, aching, lovely, and transcendent all in one?

Find out if people might think you’re living in a cave:

1. Shaving is no longer on a schedule.

You try to shave, but you’re not very good at keeping a schedule. Hairs begin to grow out of every orifice of the bodis, man and woman alike. The old school French body design begins to dominate your hairscapes. Surprisingly, hairscapes is actually a word recognized by spell check. But, you already know this because you looked it up on Google, because a good cave relic always consults the best sources.

2. Sunlight is really powerful dude!

If perhaps you’ve been living in a cave of any measure, sunshine will naturally be a welcome disturbance. As the warm rays of vitamin D pound your pale face, a whole new world of sweat opens up. Suddenly the smell of onions appears, because let’s be honest sport, all of those late night funyan snack sessions, or organic deep fried onion rings have really cost a toll on your underarm sweat smell. Instead of a spring rose you’ve developed an aroma worthy of a sexual washing encounter with a long hot shower. It’s okay to smell like you’re from Paris, but not too French okay.

3. You take pre exit showers. 

Got to run to Walmart, the market, kiosk or drop the kids off at school? Take a shower in the nude, it’ll make everyone feel better. In fact, the only time the true cave dweller showers is immediately before commitments. Hey, it’s just that we’re too busy working on the computer, tablet, other computer, smartphone, iphone, ipod, tablet and jamming out to Bob Marley… relax….. but don’t forget to shower regularly.

4. Salons and haircuts are a huge pest.

It’s not a lie, some folks really enjoy time spent in the barbers chair, but you oh famous cave dweller, you go against the grain. You with your raggedy hair, puffed out bushes growing randomly every place, and tisk tisk…. the ever famous headband, hat, or other public gardening appropriate device for sun protection. Try to schedule something into your busy cave life, such as….. a visit to a proper stylist.

5. Transporting seems wasteful….

And you wish to teleport to each and every engagement, let’s be honest with ourselves…. fossil fuels are destructive and being green gives a great excuse for telecommuting… plus who doesn’t love having the flexibility of working from home?

6. Your office features a washing machine.

But of course, you’ve been ignoring it for a long time. Besides the fact that the laundry has become 4 small mountains, it is not energy efficient to wash small quantities of clothing, and you’re smart for saving water.

7. People refer to you as a hippie, hipster, liberal, conservative, anarchist, libertarian…

And they still can’t figure out what your socio political makeup is built of. The fact that they can’t nail down your philosophy points directly to the home-office geek stereotypeMight I just sing… Let it go.. Let it go….

8. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in July.

Still have a few strands of Christmas lights hanging for “lighting” and “decoration”? Lighting is more of a cave-fashion-statement than anything in the cave itself. Some caves require no lighting, for the ultra tree hugging liberal hippy like myself. Other caves are neatly lit with energy efficient LED lighting for a more revolutionary type, and the best caves are lit by absolutely nothing other than a few computer monitors, and the phone when it’s ringing, or sending notifications. It’s time to update those Christmas lights and get into the neon disco ultra lounge effect… for goodness sakes.

9. You rest and sleep whenever you want, wherever you want.

It’s no lie that home office hacks are among the most reliable people for bimodal sleeping. These segmented sleepers may be awake at any hour of the day or night. It’s no wonder the world is globalizing with so many insomniac workers sending data at all hours.

More skilled cave dwellers will be quite crafty and type all night, only to send emails, updates, and social media status updates on a schedule. Posts can be created at any time, and added to the live stream at a later time. The best cave dwellers schedule everything with a little bit of research and precision.

10. The internet is your number one “go-to” for pretty much everything.

 

Did we miss anything? Please add your funny Cave Comments!20140519-070358.jpg

 

 

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